Saturday, September 11, 2010

Of Raya and Memories

Yesterday was 1st Syawal , the first day of Raya.

Sadly, my baju raya belum sampai so were my other stuff that my mom kindly mailed to me weeksssss ago. I wonder what happened to that 2kg package. Someone might got jealous they didn't have a present from Mom and took mine!! Maybe.. well that was just my brain went all pessimist.

On the first day of Raya, my first class of the day was HIP HOP!Damn popping and locking are the two hardest dance move i ever know... and yes i barely able to do locking , it was super hard but doable. Overall hip hop was fun and HARD and worth taking . Try it!!

Then after all the running and rushing to other classes, i finally able to take the bus back home. Back at home (my apartment) Muni was busy baking while Erin just finished up making her kek batik or some American called it "Malaysian Brownies".

To make long story short, Erin and I ended up making soto because that was the easiest thing to do :P then roughly at 3.30pm everyone went to Joe's house to celebrate Raya. It was the same Raya routine here at the State --> Eat a lot of delicious food + Salam2 + Taking pictures and the end. That was it.

I think i got really exhausted and emotionless when it comes to celebrating Raya at the State. And apparently this raya no matter how hard i tried to make myself feel happy and grateful. I still failed. The only emotion i felt was --> Emptiness. It wasn't anything close to sad but worse than that. I felt empty deep inside my heart. Empty, ZERO literally ZERO. If there is a machine to hear or detect the sound in my heart it will be the sound of hollowness. * exaggeration*

Maybe because I have been celebrating Raya here at the State for too long (4 times in a roll), or maybe because i don't feel the sense of belonging anymore. Whatever it is, i'm hoping that if it is sad then i should cry , but no i didn't. if it is anger then why am I mad? well i wasn't, i was just trying to figure out what it was. Then if it is happy, i should smile , which i also did not do. It was too empty, I wish I'm not here. But then that will be wrong. I believe that when i don't know what i feel deep inside, Allah is testing me. Maybe I need to learn and understand this hollowness he gave me, maybe it means i need to appreciate what i "HAD" more. Then memories started to flash back one by one.

Freshman year 2007:--> Raya in the lab with baju kurung, although it was the first time celebrating raya at the State, I was happy because I know we were all celebrating it as a family here. All the freshman wore baju kurung/ baju melayu to the lab, I'm so proud of all of YOU!!!

Second year 2008:--> Raya at Park Point with Dila ,Athirah and Sakina. We were the host of the Raya event that year, and it was Awesome!!! the best i would say. I miss spending time with these wonderful girls i called ibu tiri, mak tiri and kakak tiri. I love u all so much but never said so then. forgive me for that selfish ego side of me.

Third year 2009:--> The first time raya actually fall on the weekend!! I still remembered that morning Athirah woke up very early and cooked some ketupat, rendang and kuah kacang. JOe, Athirah and me bersila on the floor eating the delicious food. It wasn't a feast but it was enough, because i know Athirah cooked with a spice called "LOVE". Then we went for the RAYA prayer at RIT. IT was the simplest celebration but one that i won't forgot.

Fourth year 2010:--> ...the continuing story of 2nd Syawal? for me to know,for you to find out. :P

The end of my memory track. i think i have reach a road sign called " GO TO BED IT IS 4.44am are u crazy?"

SO thank you for reading this and Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri Maaf Zahir dan Batin. Please forgive me for all the wrongs that i might had done to any of you.