The never ending unfortunate events...

Plans that got cancelled on the same weekend:

Didn't go to hockey game

didn't go to friend house

didn't go biking

fall break plan cancelled...

And i fell from my apartment short stairs, landed on a bumpy ground and twisted the right ankle...

And all this happened when i'm Home Alone...

Need to put a smile on the face, so all these unhappy events won't be able to hurt me.

:)

Have a good weekend people.

Of Raya and Memories

Yesterday was 1st Syawal , the first day of Raya.

Sadly, my baju raya belum sampai so were my other stuff that my mom kindly mailed to me weeksssss ago. I wonder what happened to that 2kg package. Someone might got jealous they didn't have a present from Mom and took mine!! Maybe.. well that was just my brain went all pessimist.

On the first day of Raya, my first class of the day was HIP HOP!Damn popping and locking are the two hardest dance move i ever know... and yes i barely able to do locking , it was super hard but doable. Overall hip hop was fun and HARD and worth taking . Try it!!

Then after all the running and rushing to other classes, i finally able to take the bus back home. Back at home (my apartment) Muni was busy baking while Erin just finished up making her kek batik or some American called it "Malaysian Brownies".

To make long story short, Erin and I ended up making soto because that was the easiest thing to do :P then roughly at 3.30pm everyone went to Joe's house to celebrate Raya. It was the same Raya routine here at the State --> Eat a lot of delicious food + Salam2 + Taking pictures and the end. That was it.

I think i got really exhausted and emotionless when it comes to celebrating Raya at the State. And apparently this raya no matter how hard i tried to make myself feel happy and grateful. I still failed. The only emotion i felt was --> Emptiness. It wasn't anything close to sad but worse than that. I felt empty deep inside my heart. Empty, ZERO literally ZERO. If there is a machine to hear or detect the sound in my heart it will be the sound of hollowness. * exaggeration*

Maybe because I have been celebrating Raya here at the State for too long (4 times in a roll), or maybe because i don't feel the sense of belonging anymore. Whatever it is, i'm hoping that if it is sad then i should cry , but no i didn't. if it is anger then why am I mad? well i wasn't, i was just trying to figure out what it was. Then if it is happy, i should smile , which i also did not do. It was too empty, I wish I'm not here. But then that will be wrong. I believe that when i don't know what i feel deep inside, Allah is testing me. Maybe I need to learn and understand this hollowness he gave me, maybe it means i need to appreciate what i "HAD" more. Then memories started to flash back one by one.

Freshman year 2007:--> Raya in the lab with baju kurung, although it was the first time celebrating raya at the State, I was happy because I know we were all celebrating it as a family here. All the freshman wore baju kurung/ baju melayu to the lab, I'm so proud of all of YOU!!!

Second year 2008:--> Raya at Park Point with Dila ,Athirah and Sakina. We were the host of the Raya event that year, and it was Awesome!!! the best i would say. I miss spending time with these wonderful girls i called ibu tiri, mak tiri and kakak tiri. I love u all so much but never said so then. forgive me for that selfish ego side of me.

Third year 2009:--> The first time raya actually fall on the weekend!! I still remembered that morning Athirah woke up very early and cooked some ketupat, rendang and kuah kacang. JOe, Athirah and me bersila on the floor eating the delicious food. It wasn't a feast but it was enough, because i know Athirah cooked with a spice called "LOVE". Then we went for the RAYA prayer at RIT. IT was the simplest celebration but one that i won't forgot.

Fourth year 2010:--> ...the continuing story of 2nd Syawal? for me to know,for you to find out. :P

The end of my memory track. i think i have reach a road sign called " GO TO BED IT IS 4.44am are u crazy?"

SO thank you for reading this and Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri Maaf Zahir dan Batin. Please forgive me for all the wrongs that i might had done to any of you.

Wassalam

The thing called "ego"

There this thing called ego and it is as hard as the stone, you could break it, if you try harder but if u don't , then it stays as it is.

With this thing called "ego"

A person will

pretend that he or she doesn't care, when it is actually the opposite,

he / she 'll say "i don't mind", when he / she actually do,

he / she will not apologize when he / she is the guilty one,

he / she will not express his / her love, when deep inside he / she does love somebody,

he / she won't ask for help, when he / she really needed one,

it is this big thing call "EGO" that people misunderstood each other,

but i found out that i like the small version of "ego" because it is apart of me

and i hope i won't hurt anyone because of it.

The most magical unfortunate ride ever

The whole day I kept unintentionally glanced/read the label on my bike handle "Caution: Please make sure that the handle bar / stem are securely tighten. Refer to the manual"~well something like that. And those words kept playing in my mind, and i had a bad feeling the entire afternoon, as if an accident is going to happen.

Then just when i had drained all my energy by working nonstop (took a 15mins break and that was it) from 8.20am to 6.30pm, i saw a blind man walking by the road in front of Grace Watson hall toward the main campus. Suddenly he stumbled over a rock and he almost fell but he didn't. Then at that moment when i decided to go and help him suddenly the handle bar together with the stem on my bike just flew in front of me!!! I was still cycling and in shock and TERRIFIED!!!

It was a really ridiculous scene, luckily no one taped it :P. I found it magical because i was still pedaling and at the same time still holding the DETACHED handle bar !!!! and then i decided to bent my knee to the left and right so that the bike will fall. If i didn't do that i would had crashed into the Sundial ! that would be an ugly scene...The magical part was, i didn't fall!!! the bike did which was really weird. Alhamdulillah i'm saved. fuuh~~

Feeling bad for not helping the man (not that i didn't want to, but because i couldn't), i followed him. I felt like a stalker for a moment there :P. I didn't have the courage to just go and asked if he needed help because i thought "what if the help i'm trying to offer him made him feel bad of himself ?". So i pedaled really slow (of cuz i reattached the handle bar and give it a GOOD STRONG hit so it stays attached). I knew that most of the pathway are blocked due to the construction and didn't want him to felt into those 2 big holes i saw yesterday. After 5minutes or so he walked into the library and at that moment i knew i had done my part, making sure he didn't get lost due to the construction and etc.

What an amazing day! a magical one :)

The shoes quote (continued)

It was too quiet in the lab, so I switched on my laptop and listened to a Taiwanese drama called "Corner with love", while at the same time looking under the microscope to finish my work. Then at minutes 13 episode 11, I got amazed by the female lead script

The female lead received a hand-drawn shoes, drew by the guy who likes her. Mean while, Her ex-fiancé who is super rich and handsome came back to find her and want her back. She was confused then she looked at the shoes that she was wearing (the one that poor guy gave her). Then her friend asked her "who will you choose?"

And this is what she said:

"A pair of good shoes is not defined by its price,

but by whether or not it's comfortable to wear.

even if it is a cheap pair of shoes,

if you like it, you like it.

Even if he's poor,

has no power or status,

you'll still miss him if you don't see him.

You'll feel happy to be with him. "

I like this movie!!!! I hope there are people like this in the real world, who won't look at someone's power, money and status for love. :)

A pair of good shoes

A quote that relates to my life

"A pair of good shoes will make you grow feelings for it,

you will always want to wear it every day,

even if it is worn out,

you can't bear to throw it away"

(Xin Lei, Corner with love drama)

goodbye roomate

Yesterday, my roommate boarded the flight back to Malaysia, i wanted to send her off but instead it went the other way round. I needed to return to the lab so she send me off. (sorry tira i couldn't send you to the airport)

Later that evening after a total of 10hours doing field work and lab work, i walked slowly back home. Then i recalled the gift that SHE, my roommate left for me. I opened my bag and unwrapped the paper bag.

in the paper bag was a "hanging wood" decoration.

on the wood it said " i most often found happiness where you have planted it "

then at the back was a short paragraph written by HER, and 4 lovely "LOVE" to end the words from the heart.

reading those thoughts, my tears fall like rain, i realized that i won't be able to see HER for maybe another year or two. She will continue her master elsewhere and i'm not returning home to Malaysia this year.

enough said, i miss her.

May we meet again in the future.

(written on Thursday but posted on Friday =P )

The "EMo tornado" that kills

Sometime i hate it when i have these "PMS symptoms", one of the symptoms that i hate most is "emo tornado". I won't be able to control my tone, and sometimes i explode and yell at the wrong person. I really don't mean to hurt the unguilty person, and i know it is wrong to yell at them but the emo tornado happens so fast every time and I'm so sorry...

I wish that i have more patient, more control in whatever i'm doing.

dear friends,

If i ever hurt you during my "emo tornado' symptom please forgive me, i try to keep it down next time and hopefully as the day passes, and as i learn to be more patient, the emo tornado will disappear.

The guilty one --> me, please forgive me.

p/s: emo tornado doesn't happens everyday --> so don't worry! =p

Kekuatan seekor lembaga berperut putih

Today as usual we had our PGL practice , penat giler terasa mau patah kaki. Pastu joe bawa g makan kat Friendlys's Yeah!!! dah lama tak pergi huhuhu.

ok that has nothing to do with today blog title, the real event happened after dinner at Friendly's.

Pabila Rochester yg sejuk beku ni dipenuhi dgn snow yg seputih putih alamnye, kami pun memulakan perjalanan balik ke racquet club (our apartment)

aku tira n jiji yg sememangnye penat menari "asmaradana" mula la melentuk kan kepala di seat belakang. Tibe2 Joe menjerit "OMG OMG OMG"

Bile joe menjerit ade due sebab :

1) mmg emergency ATAU

2) ade gosip huhuhuhu

anyway this time it was an emergency

aku cam cuak n tau ape jadi so aku bgn n pandang depan

then i saw two flashes of something ,don't know what, pastu

"BANG!" the car hit something

aku dah mula cuak , dlm hati "tlg la Ya Allah janganla langgar orang JANGAN!!!!"

then aku nmpk ade benda bergolek ke tepi jalan

putih bahagian perutnye ,trus flash back melanda, aku teringat anjing yang dilanggar sebuah kereta tahun lepas . setahun lalu anjing tu lari nak fetch something bile tuan nye datang nafas die dah sangat sesak .Awwwww kesian.

lepas tu aku nmpk kelibat "benda" tu berpusing , rusa rupenye , trus rusa tu lari melintas jalan seperti tak cedera parah .Kebal rupenye kamu rusa. Syukur Alhamdulillah. Kami berhenti dan sume orang pandang belakang and lega sebab rusa tu hidup lagi n bukan manusia yang kami langgar . Fuh legaaaaaaaa..

Anyway it was an "interesting yet dangerous n unforgettable" memory.

Syukur kite sume selamat.

Sekian dari kentang yang masih terkezut beruk tadi

kepala pusing

Bile kepala pusing , pening pening pening...

tak tau nk awat ape pening pening pening

Hati kata mau , kepala kata tidak..

situasi kata susah ..

masa kata lama lagi..

sume negative last2 pening2

byk kije tak siap pening2x

rasa nk balik Malaysia

ibu kata jangan tahan tahAN

pening pening pening lagi...

Peningnye nak makan la hahahhaha